I couldn't possibly explain why the common person would be against something like that. It's all rooted in sexual hang-ups. The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society. I don't know why anyone would want to get married heterosexually, so why they'd be against homosexual marriage is flummoxing. I only use that word when I'm talking to someone from the British press.

You're born absolutely free except for laws of nature, if you drink you get drunk, that's a law, if you get old you die, that's a law too; if you sit on a tack you will bleed from the ass, these are the only laws that you're born with.

Religious tolerance. No! Zero tolerance for any type of religion.

I love when you get boner spam for boner pills and the subject is Be a better lover. Oh, the boner was the problem on that? That's why I'm a bad lover? Do you have a pill that's gonna make me care if she cums? That would be a medical miracle.

Your sins are what make you fantastic. It's what makes you alive. You should wear your sins on your sleeve. You should be trying to top your sins on a daily basis.

[Stand-up] might be ballsy, but I'd rather not be an actor. Actors are tools.

Pot is to narcotics what herpes is to social diseases; it doesn't count cos it's not really dangerous and it's too easy to get.