Coward is the most misused word in our society.

Everybody's angry. They've got nothing to be angry at, so they're angry about nothing.

The Mind is everything. Do drugs. But just don't have drugs.

Complaining that a comic is drunk is like going to a titty bar and complaining because your lapdancer is a communist.

Steal my stuff off the internet wherever you can and don't apologize. Buy the CDs and DVDs from my site and feel free to burn 'em and share 'em. Then come to the show.

Sex and children are the two things that delude logic the most in this society.

My first open mic, I drank a full pitcher of beer by myself. I wasn't afraid of being in front of people as much as, Is this funny?