Mutations are exciting. They try to fix 'em when they come out. Did you see the two-headed baby they killed last month when they tried to cut it apart? That was hilarious!

Religion is by no means a proper subject of conversation in a mixed company.

The reputation of generosity is to be purchased pretty cheap; it does not depend so much upon a man's general expense, as it does upon his giving handsomely where it is proper to give at all. A man, for instance, who should give a servant four shillings, would pass for covetous, while he who gave him a crown, would be reckoned generous; so that the difference of those two opposite characters, turns upon one shilling.

Love is such an arbitrary thing. I love my mom. I love pancakes.

If second hand smoke is killing that many people and nicotine is so addictive then why is no one addicted to second hand smoke?

I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasnt particularly good looking. Comedy was something I could do for attention.

I've been doing a lot of drugs in the last few weeks and drinking less, and I feel much better.