Mutations are exciting. They try to fix 'em when they come out. Did you see the two-headed baby they killed last month when they tried to cut it apart? That was hilarious!

I do good things in my life, too. It's just that none of them are funny.

All traditions are stupid unless you came up with it yourself.

I've jammed enough things up my own ass just trying to come on any amphetamine based narcotic.

Before modern medicine, would pussies just generally rot up inside you and fall out of you like spoiled oysters on the sidewalk?

People want an idol. They want royalty. They don't want a public servant. Hell no. They want someone to clap for and go, "Oh, he touched my hand at the rally!"

The only way I thought I could do a greatest hits album is to do it in a prison where they have no f**king idea who I am. I'd do what I consider the best of those old, early CDs before I did DVDs. A women's prison would be even better, but it has to be English-speaking.