Mutations are exciting. They try to fix 'em when they come out. Did you see the two-headed baby they killed last month when they tried to cut it apart? That was hilarious!

Man, it just cost me five dollars to beat my own meat... God bless the United States of America.

There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.

The Unbookables are supposed to be unbookable. That's what it's all about.

Alcohol does not make ugly people attractive. It makes it so you could care less that they're ugly.

They should raise the alcohol age to 60, so at least you'd have something to look forward to at this point.

High definition ruined a lot of things that I used to hold sacrosanct in pornography.