Babies are like poems. They're beautiful to their creator, but to other people, they're silly and they're irritating.

Did you ever drink so much of a certain type of alcohol that you get so sick that you can never drink the same kind again ? I've decided that's how I'm going to quit drinking. One-at-a-time.

"This is Lakshmi Singh." It's like a tadpole dying in muck. Take a drink. Wet your mouth.

I go on stage, it's like I'm leading you into battle; you are not all going to be here at the end.

I'm not saying drinking is all that great but you know it's got benefits; you can't smoke somebody pretty.

You do bits and you fake anger and you write a bit and you have passion for it. Then you do it too many times and you have to work up the anger... and I've never had to do that with Dr. Drew Pintsky. Dr. Drew is to medicine what David Blaine is to science.

Artists who say that they're artists: usually people who need a job.