Babies are like poems. They're beautiful to their creator, but to other people, they're silly and they're irritating.

If you really believe death leads to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt?

People who want to kill other people are the last people I want to party with, because I get mouthy when I drink.

I recommend to you, in my last, an innocent piece of art: that of flattering people behind their backs, in presence of those who, to make their own court, much more than for your sake, will not fail to repeat, and even amplify, the praise to the party concerned. This is of all flattery the most pleasing, and consequently the most effectual.

Do you ever wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and think, something's not accurate?

The first thing I think of when I wake up is how close I am to death. But then it gets better during the day.

I don't have a gun. But I think they level the playing field. I accept that there's really nothing you can do about it. It's like nuclear weapons; if they exist then eventually other people are going to have them. Maybe just take away people's motivation to use them.