Babies are like poems. They're beautiful to their creator, but to other people, they're silly and they're irritating.

I think it's probably much easier to do political comedy from a two-party point of view, in that the majority have some sense of what it means to be one or the other.

My first open mic, I drank a full pitcher of beer by myself. I wasn't afraid of being in front of people as much as, Is this funny?

There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really sucked at doing drugs.

Why even moon a sorority girl if they can't see the swingy egg bag part of it?

I drank, smoked and did drugs to get where I'm at.

There's a fine line between being a sicko and an adventurous spirit.