I go on stage, it's like I'm leading you into battle; you are not all going to be here at the end.

I immediately split the crowd. I thought about coming on every night and shouting, 'Gay pride, white power!' just to confuse people.

Every 17 seconds a child dies on this planet from no clean drinking water. Good. Let's try to speed it up... there are too many people.

Your instinct is your true god. Follow it.

Love is such an arbitrary thing. I love my mom. I love pancakes.

I do good things in my life, too. It's just that none of them are funny.

Man, it just cost me five dollars to beat my own meat... God bless the United States of America.