Right at the end of the big wall of vibrators, $29.95, big rubber fist. Thirty bucks! Just in time for mothers day.

Boredom is a disease worse than cancer. Drugs cure it.

Steal my stuff off the internet wherever you can and don't apologize. Buy the CDs and DVDs from my site and feel free to burn 'em and share 'em. Then come to the show.

I've been doing a lot of drugs in the last few weeks and drinking less, and I feel much better.

I love conspiracy theories. I used to just live on it. You know it's all hype and garbage, but you're still really paranoid afterwards. It's fun entertainment.

If I say f*** the government, some will clap because they agree and some will clap just because you said f***. I've had countless audience members offer me free drugs but I also got free hernia surgery.

You say you hate children and people always say the same thing; it would be different if it was your own child. Well what if it wasn't?