Not only are the voices in your head real, but they're accurate as well.

They should raise the alcohol age to 60, so at least you'd have something to look forward to at this point.

I'm a bit of a potty mouth. My dad used to wash out my mouth with soap, but that was just to get rid of any traces of his DNA.

I couldn't possibly explain why the common person would be against something like that. It's all rooted in sexual hang-ups. The whole institution of marriage itself really has no place in a progressive society. I don't know why anyone would want to get married heterosexually, so why they'd be against homosexual marriage is flummoxing. I only use that word when I'm talking to someone from the British press.

I've had six or eight hookers in my life. I never woke up the next day thinking man I'm glad I got a hooker last night.

My first open mic, I drank a full pitcher of beer by myself. I wasn't afraid of being in front of people as much as, Is this funny?

At least black people knew when they were slaves; you remain clueless.