Even your religious friends do not want to hear about God during a medical diagnosis.

Shouldn't the long-term goal of any society be complete unemployment?

Sex is free fun for poor people.

The key to a good life: excess in moderation. They'll tell you moderation is the key to life, but that's bullshit.

I have no answers, but every day I wish I could have the same point of view for any 24-hour period. I wish I was in some system where I don't constantly question myself.

I think it's probably much easier to do political comedy from a two-party point of view, in that the majority have some sense of what it means to be one or the other.

They say 'life is precious'. To who? To you, when you're young and you've got a few dollars in your pocket. Tell that to the 90-year-old lying awake at the graveyard shift in the nursing home, groaning with dementia. The only reason he hasn't killed himself is that he hasn't figured out a way he can do it with pudding.