Even your religious friends do not want to hear about God during a medical diagnosis.

What ever happened to freak shows? Back in the twenties when elephant man was born at least he had a job waiting for him.

I'm gonna film my entire life and watch it later!

The fact is that really no comedian sets out to offend you. Some comics enjoy the challenge of taking a subject that is likely to be found offensive and trying to make it funny‚ but the object is still to make you laugh. Offense is only a calculated risk. It's highly unlikely that a comedian whose only goal was to repulse you would ever make it past an open-mic stage, far less build a long career of touring theatres and television appearances.

There’s a fraudulent root element of comedy in that we say things night after night as though they are rolling effortlessly from the brain and off the tongue when in fact they are crafted over weeks and months and years.

What I've lost in years I've gained in wisdom. Bullshit, I haven't learnt one thing in the last 15 years that hasn't just depressed me more.

The revolution I was starting where I thought I could yell at 200 people in a bar every night and change the world didn't quite happen.