Everybody's angry. They've got nothing to be angry at, so they're angry about nothing.

Child pornography is the only crime that you cannot report to the police as an eyewitness.

They should raise the alcohol age to 60, so at least you'd have something to look forward to at this point.

Why even moon a sorority girl if they can't see the swingy egg bag part of it?

There's nothing funnier than getting a death threat via MySpace. Why don't you just write it in a children's birthday card.

All illegal narcotics are medicinal. Boredom is a disease worse than cancer. Drugs cure it, with little or no side effects if used as directed. Life's temporary for a reason, it gets boring after awhile. You should be inventing new drugs is what you should be doing! Newer, crazier drugs... and more holes, that's what you ladies need!

If you really believe death leads to eternal bliss then why are you wearing a seatbelt?