Who ever thought that the world-famous Captain Obvious was really mild-mannered Colin Mochrie?
Eating crappy food isn't a reward -- it's a punishment.
Libertarians are conservatives who still get high.
If frogs could fly... well we'd still be in this mess, but wouldn't it be neat?
I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?'
People laugh to forget their troubles, and to forget their troubles they like to look at people who aren't doing better than they are.