It sucks being fat, you know.

I don't have a Bluetooth thing on my ear. That bugs me.

Some people don't like competition because it makes them work harder, better.

I've always got stuff in my head in case I meet somebody like Steven Spielberg or someone like that, where I can hopefully say something to them that nobody else has ever said and get a laugh out of them.

I like to think of my house as nothing more than a glorified console for my television; the ultimate stereo cabinet.

I just liked stand-up comedy so much. I used to memorize Bill Cosby albums and other people's albums, George Carlin, Flip Wilson.

If I wasn't a comic or TV star, I really wanted to be a photojournalist.