It sucks being fat, you know.

What good is democracy if you can't get what you want?

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

Trust me, kids - your homework can wait. Don't need to be doing homework while Whose Line is on; skip it!

As far as exercising goes... watch for my next book, How I died while Jogging.

Sometimes I like [being famous], sometimes I don't. I've always been a people watcher. I like to go to malls and just sit, and I can't do that very easily anymore.

Nothing's funny about someone who's successful.