You know, people sometimes say to me, 'Do you prefer to do this or that, act or do stand-up or write' but the thing that I enjoy most is the difference between all of them, because you're always learning. I don't go around thinking of myself as a great anything. I'm actually lucky to have the chance to fail at all of them.

I'm Irish, yeah, but I don't need to get up on a soapbox about it.

I'm a quitter. I come from a long line of quitters. It's amazing I'm here at all.

You exaggerate your own reactions.

You know what you are? You're a beard with an idiot hanging off it.

[Washington] is the political capital. It's essentially a big office.

I used to live with two other guys. We used to cook two things. The first one was called 'cheese... thing' and that was where you get something and you melt cheese over it and the first one to guess what it is doesn't have to wash up. That's obviously quite Mediterranean; the other one was less complex. It was just called 'cheese fantasy.' That's where you come in, very drunk, at about five in the morning and find an apple and just pretend there's some cheese on it.