You know it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks 'Daddy, are these organic?'

You’re not an adult at all - you're just a tall child holding a beer, having conversations you don't understand...

I wish I was like you! You know startled by direct sunlight.

You're talking to a modern, nice, affable German person and they're saying to you something like 'You know, vell, it's a critical time now for Germany within Europe, also globally, economically ve are pretty good, ve have been better. But ve are very vibrant in the theater and arts...' and all the time you'll be listening to this, you're thinking Mmm, yeah, mmm... Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler, Hitler.

Adulthood feels like walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they bore you.

What are children anyway? Midget drunks. They greet you in the morning by kneeing you in the face and talking gibberish. They can't even walk straight.

I dislike both of [candidates] but there's obviously no choice in the election - if you're concerned about the future of anything, you need to vote for Hillary Clinton.