How good we all are, in theory, to the old; and how in fact we wish them to wander off like old dogs, die without bothering us, and bury themselves.

A successful man cannot realize how hard an unsuccessful man finds life.

Don't take up a man's time talking about the smartness of your children; he wants to talk to you about the smartness of his children.

Where the guests at a gathering are well-acquainted, they eat 20 per cent more than they otherwise would.

Never tell a secret to a bride or a groom; wait until they have been married longer.

The underdog often starts the fight, and occasionally the upper dog deserves to win.

A boy doesn't have to go to war to be a hero; he can say he doesn't like pie when he sees there isn't enough to go around.