Somewhere in there the grace of a ballet dancer joins with the strength of an SAS squaddie, the dignity of an ancient kind, the nerve of a bomb disposal officer.

You need dictatorships and poverty to produce great footballers.

Ronaldo is a disgrace to the game. His petulance, temperament, throwing himself on the ground. It was a disgrace to professional football. This fella Ronaldo is a cod.

He's one of the biggest whingers in world football... he's a bloody eejit.

We'll all see through Mourinho. We'll find out he's just a Bengal lancer.

Niall Quinn is a creep. The man's an idiot, a Mother Theresa.

I'll have you know that I am not a failed Third Division footballer. I am a failed Second Division footballer.