If ever a player was out of his class that night it was me.

You need dictatorships and poverty to produce great footballers.

Every club he's been to has had great injury crises. Every club. And it's always hamstrings.

Found out. A nothing player.

He's fat and a clown, Bill, a fat clown for all to see.

That's the first time I've seen sex between two men on the BBC.

Michel Platini has no bottle. He is not a great player.