A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

He was so honest you could play craps with him over the phone.

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.

The man who didn't want his wife to work has been succeeded by the man who asks about her chances of getting a raise.

This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.

Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back

If you wouldn't write it and sign it, don't say it.