A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.

Saying 'Gesundheit' doesn't really help the common cold - but its about as good as anything the doctors have come up with.

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.

Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.