A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.
Modern man drives a mortgaged car over a bond-financed highway on credit-card gas.
A bachelor is a guy who leans toward women - but not far enough to lose his balance.
Somebody figured it out- we have 35 million laws trying to enforce Ten Commandments.
Many a standing ovation has been caused by someone jumping to his feet in an effort to beat the rest of the audience to the parking lot.
To sell something, tell a woman it's a bargain; tell a man it's deductible.