There's only one kind of tax that would please everybody - one that nobody but the other guy has to pay.

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.

Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

Women's liberation will not be achieved until a woman can become paunchy and bald and still think she's attractive to the opposite sex.

Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.

Ever notice that the whisper of temptation can be heard farther than the loudest call to duty.