Women's liberation will not be achieved until a woman can become paunchy and bald and still think she's attractive to the opposite sex.

Success is a matter of luck. If you want proof, ask any failure.

Mathematics-a wonderful science, but it hasn't yet come up with a way to divide one tricycle between three small boys.

Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back

The fastest way for a politician to become an elder statesman is to lose an election.

He's so snobbish he has an unlisted zip-code.

Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.