For me to put a look together, if it's going to be a boy look or a girl look or whatever, is quite a tricky thing to do. I'm not doing drag because drag is seen in a certain way and my comedy has got zero to do with what I'm wearing. I could wear an elephant suit and say the same thing.

I'm an action transvestite really, so it's running, jumping, climbing trees putting on make-up when you're up there!

My Gran said put a thimble on your finger and it helps you in case you slip with the needle and it goes up, into the brain, and death.

Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you want to look your best, and God says "No! You will look the worst you've ever looked in your life!"

It's not a bloody piano, it's a clarenARt...you weird talking person.

You can't land on the moon and say, "Ooh, it's all sticky! It's covered in jam!

Father, bless me for I have sinned, I did an original sin… I poked a badger with a spoon.