Horseshoes are lucky. Horses have four bits of lucky nailed to their feet. They should be the luckiest animals in the world. They should rule the country. They should win all their horse races, at least. 'In the fifth race today, every single horse was first equal...one horse threw a shoe came in third...the duck was ninth...and five ran.'

You can't land on the moon and say, "Ooh, it's all sticky! It's covered in jam!

I wanted to be less well-known in comedy.

Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).

When I watched Braveheart I was in tears and I was rooting for the Scottish people

I am two lesbians in a man's body.

Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.