If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.

I try to just talk about human stories and what I think about religion or teapots or whatever.

Horseshoes are lucky. Horses have four bits of lucky nailed to their feet. They should be the luckiest animals in the world. They should rule the country. They should win all their horse races, at least. 'In the fifth race today, every single horse was first equal...one horse threw a shoe came in third...the duck was ninth...and five ran.'

I'm an Action Transvestite.

I definitely have breast envy. When teenage girls were saying 'I wish I had breasts', I was thinking the same thing.

I'd like to have sex with myself.

People still talk about a British sense of humour, or French slapstick or how the Germans have no sense of humour - and it's just rubbish. I do strongly feel that we are all the bloody same.