When I watched Braveheart I was in tears and I was rooting for the Scottish people
Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.
I try to keep performing as much as possible - I just like to. I used to take huge gaps off between gigs, now I just like to do stand-up gigs as much as I can.
Religion and philosophy, philosophy and religion - they're two words which are both ... different. In spelling.
It's not a bloody piano, it's a clarenARt...you weird talking person.
Because that's what narcissism is all about; looking in the mirror everyday and thinking 'Damn, I'd like to shag myself.'