The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.

I saw something in a program on something in Miami, and they were saying, "We've redecorated this building to how it looked over 50 years ago!" And people were going, "No, surely not, no. No one was alive then."

It's not a bloody piano, it's a clarenARt...you weird talking person.

I'd be happy to be taken as a woman - and that's what I was initially trying to do when I started throwing on dresses and stuff. But that wasn't going to happen because everyone kept calling me sir. So I thought I'd change the method and just start wearing what I wanted to wear.

I try to just talk about human stories and what I think about religion or teapots or whatever.

So then there was the Greek, Socrates, he was great... He invented questioning. Before Socrates, no questioning. Everyone sort of went, ''Yeah, I suppose so.

My stand-up is quite good now, people say. It's just like a big conversation each time. Every gig is a rehearsal.