I appreciate your applause, but I don't do it for applause. I do it for cash, it's much better.

Two languages in one brain? No one can live at that speed!

I remember when I was being told about Watergate, and I thought, "Oh, America is not what I think America is." But America is what I think it is. It's just that it's two bits of it, and I don't go with the Republican bit of it. I go more with the Democratic bit.

But the Dutch speak four languages and smoke marijuana!

You say 'erbs, and we say Herbs because there's a f*****g H in it!

I appreciate your applause, but I don't do it for applause. I do it for cash, it's much better.

You’ve got to believe you can be a standup before you can be a standup. You have to believe you can act before you can act. You have to believe you can be an astronaut before you can be an astronaut. You’ve got to believe.