Before birds get sucked into jet engines, do they ever think, Is that Rod Stewart in first class?
Eddie IzzardMakeup's just crazy, anyways. Native Americans used to wear it, and it did all right for them until, uh ... well, until you killed them all, I suppose.
Eddie IzzardIn stand-up it really helps to play yourself and talk about your own feelings. You cannot fail to be original if you're just talking about what you think about X, Y and Z. Unless you've got a twin brother who's also a stand-up.
Eddie IzzardThe National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.
Eddie IzzardHorseshoes are lucky. Horses have four bits of lucky nailed to their feet. They should be the luckiest animals in the world. They should rule the country. They should win all their horse races, at least. 'In the fifth race today, every single horse was first equal...one horse threw a shoe came in third...the duck was ninth...and five ran.'
Eddie Izzard