You’ve got to believe you can be a standup before you can be a standup. You have to believe you can act before you can act. You have to believe you can be an astronaut before you can be an astronaut. You’ve got to believe.

I definitely have breast envy. When teenage girls were saying 'I wish I had breasts', I was thinking the same thing.

Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others.

I'm an Action Transvestite.

I remember when I was being told about Watergate, and I thought, "Oh, America is not what I think America is." But America is what I think it is. It's just that it's two bits of it, and I don't go with the Republican bit of it. I go more with the Democratic bit.

I appreciate your applause, but I don't do it for applause. I do it for cash, it's much better.

Queen Victoria, one of our more frumpy Queen's. They're all frumpy aren't they? Because it's a bad idea when cousin's marry.