Animals in the wild are lean, and I think we should be too.

When you're coming out, you have to deal with the whole world saying 'Oh! You're an abominable snowman'.

Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others.

What was the first cat that talked a human into putting a cat door in?

No matter how much makeup I wore, people just kept saying "Yes, sir! Would you like tea with that, sir?" "Yes, I would like tea. Why don't you put it on my breasts?" "Certainly. Tea for this man's breasts! Anything else, sir?"

Some people are widely read. I'm thinly read.

But the Dutch speak four languages and smoke marijuana!