Animals in the wild are lean, and I think we should be too.

I'm working on a speed boat at the moment. Much more exciting. It'll really kick ass, give great photographs for the people in Bible.

I appreciate your applause, but I don't do it for applause. I do it for cash, it's much better.

There was no religion in my life growing up. Did God invent us or did we invent God?

But puberty was... well, before puberty, at school, I didn't tell kids I was a transvestite 'cause I thought they might kill me with sticks, you know?

Animals in the wild are lean, and I think we should be too.

In stand-up it really helps to play yourself and talk about your own feelings. You cannot fail to be original if you're just talking about what you think about X, Y and Z. Unless you've got a twin brother who's also a stand-up.