America is the new Roman Empire. Remember what happened to Rome.

Because we all know one of the main factors of war is the element of surprise. And what could be more surprising than the First Batallion Transvestite Brigade? Airborne Wing.

Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: "Girls girls, ooo". Naturally you want to look your best, and God says "No! You will look the worst you've ever looked in your life!"

Animals in the wild are lean, and I think we should be too.

I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.

Cos people think I'm on drugs and I'm not. I'm really quite... Just a bit of coffee. When I take drugs I start going, Oh, would you like insurance?

When you're coming out, you have to deal with the whole world saying 'Oh! You're an abominable snowman'.