We must have been hunters and gatherers but some of us were just waiters and hopers.

You can't land on the moon and say, "Ooh, it's all sticky! It's covered in jam!

I've wiped the file? .... I've wiped all the files? .... I've wiped the INTERNET? I don't even have a modem!

I just believe in the goodwill of people, the power of people to do something positive.

If you get too well-known in comedy, I do believe it blocks people from taking you in drama.

America is the new Roman Empire. Remember what happened to Rome.

You say 'erbs, and we say Herbs because there's a f*****g H in it!