I've never been able to write for stand-up.

I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about.

As a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. It's the best-paying night of the year.

It doesn't bother me that I'm not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm so popular in these cities where you've never imagined an East Coast comedian working.

I deliver very traditionally, and people aren't threatened. I think if I cursed or seemed wilder, I couldn't get away with the amount of very opinionated politics I get away with.

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.