I didn't get a high school diploma. I really didn't have much of an education, which left me open to educating myself throughout my life, without the limitations on intellectual curiosity a formal education can impose. I followed what interested me.

I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone.

When the sun comes up, I have morals again.

As a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. It's the best-paying night of the year.

Real comedy can't be learned; it comes from a need for justice. The best who stand up, stand up for something.

I have no complaints about losing money I put in high-risk investments. I did some of that when I had real money; my informed choice, my measured gamble.

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?