I didn't get a high school diploma. I really didn't have much of an education, which left me open to educating myself throughout my life, without the limitations on intellectual curiosity a formal education can impose. I followed what interested me.

I think about death. I don't want to die with clothes in the cleaners.

I have no complaints about losing money I put in high-risk investments. I did some of that when I had real money; my informed choice, my measured gamble.

Real comedy can't be learned; it comes from a need for justice. The best who stand up, stand up for something.

Comedy is a blood sport. It flays the truth and spurts twisted logic. In America, people become comics because we don't have bullfighting.

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me.

A man who was loved by 300 woman singled me out to live with him. Why? I was the only one without a cat.