I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be recognized. I am doubly thankful that also goes for idiots.

When I played the Sahara Hotel in Las Vegas on New Year's Eve, I got to bring Wiley, my 85-pound black lab. He's responsible for my favorite New Year's memory of all: At the end of the show, he ran onstage and then out across all the tables in the showroom, sending champagne glasses and gamblers flying.

My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

When the sun comes up, I have morals again.

There are many comedians who are afraid to work outside the coasts and the casinos because they're afraid they'll bomb.

A man who was loved by 300 woman singled me out to live with him. Why? I was the only one without a cat.