When there's time for whistling, there's a lot of time on a show.

I know that experts say you're more likely to get hurt crossing the street than you are flying, but that doesn't make me any less frightened of flying. If anything, it makes me more afraid of crossing the street.

When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.

You say you're sick and tired of hearing about me? I've got news for you: I'M sick and tired of hearing about me.

Procrastination is not the problem. It is the solution. Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.

It's a lot of work to put a brand-new monologue and a brand-new show on the air and find comedy every single day. It's challenging and it's the hardest thing I have ever done, but it's the best-suited thing for me. The more relaxed I get and the more confident I feel, the more I get to play and be myself...

You can always tell when the relationship is over. Little things start getting on your nerves, 'Would you please stop that! That breathing in and out, it's so repetitious.'