What's New Orleans without music? And what's music without dancing?

Procrastination isn't the problem. It's the solution. It's the universe's way of saying stop, slow down, you move too fast.

I watch people's behavior and notice things. I think that's why I became a comedian. I notice how stupid the things we do are.

There are people out there hiding all kinds of things. People who have all this success and all this fame and all this money, and yet there are secrets that they think if we found out about, it would be over for them. And it's a horrible way to live whether you're famous or not.

Usually, I wear tennis shoes because my feet are flat, and it hurts to wear anything other than shoes that are cushiony.

I'm sure men have their own ways of trying to demean one another, but women can be very gossipy and judgmental, and that doesn't help.

I've always said, I like my coffee like I like my men... I don't drink coffee.