I put a basketball in front of George Clooney's door and sprayed it with supermodel perfume to lure him out.

If you're in a position where you can help other people, there is nothing better in life than helping other people. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

It`s hard when paparazzi are photographing every single thing you do. I'm sure a lot of people made mistakes - they just were not documented the way they are now.

I was doing stand-up at a restaurant and there was a chalkboard on the street out front. It said, Soup of the Day: Cream of Asparagus. Ellen DeGeneres.

No one is perfect, except for Penélope Cruz.

I do it because I love animals and I saw the reality. And I just couldn't ignore it anymore. I'm healthier for it, I'm happier for it. I can't imagine that if you're putting something in your body that is filled with fear or anxiety or pain, that that isn't somehow going to be inside of you.

Who's to say what's better or worse anyway? Who's to even say what's normal or average? We're all different people and we're allowed to be different from on another. If someone ever says you're weird, say thank you. And then curtsy. No, don't curtsy. That might be too weird. Bow. And tip your imaginary hate. That'll show them.