Onscreen, Foaly rubbed his eyelids with his index fingers. "Yeah, yeah. Here we go. Captain Short goes rogue once more. Hands up who's surprised. Anyone?

If it looks like a Dwarf, and it smells like a Dwarf, then it's probably a Dwarf or a latrine wearing dungerees.

The Theory of Evolution has more holes in it than a dam made out of Swiss cheese.

You know you're in trouble when your own imagination starts punishing you.

When I went to school, I was already reading and writing. In fact, I was offended that the other kids couldn't.

Well, I don't like the first bit and I don't know the last bit. So I'm really hoping the middle bit is exceptional.

Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?