With girls, everything looks great on the surface. But beware of drawers that won't open. They contain a three-month supply of dirty underwear, unwashed hose, and rubber bands with blobs of hair in them.

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'

The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.

Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.

I became hysterical and frightened and begged for sedation. And that was just the first prenatal visit.

Why take pride in cooking, when they don't take pride in eating?

I was a closet pacifier advocate. So were most of my friends. Unknown to our mothers, we owned thirty or forty of those little suckers that were placed strategically around the house so a cry could be silenced in less than thirty seconds. Even though bottles were boiled, rooms disinfected, and germs fought one on one, no one seemed to care where the pacifier had been.