With girls, everything looks great on the surface. But beware of drawers that won't open. They contain a three-month supply of dirty underwear, unwashed hose, and rubber bands with blobs of hair in them.

With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.

Never be in a hurry to terminate a marriage. Remember, you may need this man/woman to finish a sentence.

A small waist makes you tire easily.

One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.