If anyone knew where they were, I'd send the ISDBB (Incredibly Stupid and Dumb Beyond Belief) award to the two guys who tried to break in to the Ohio penitentiary.

When you're an orthodox worrier, some days are worse than others.

Remember, you can lead a fifty-seven-year-old body to motherhood, but you can't make it stay awake.

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.

It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.