Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.

There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.

Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation's compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

The fact that Americans drag around the world by the busloads to glimpse the past probably has something to do with the youth of our country. We revere anything older than George Burns.

Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.

There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.