A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.

The term 'working mother' is redundant.

Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, 'A house guest,' you're wrong because I have just described my kids.

Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.

I'm on a diet as my skin doesn't fit me anymore.