It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.

Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it's still snowing.

If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food

Every puppy should have a boy.