It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

Early in my life I had made a pact with myself. I would never eat anything that moved when I cooked it, excited the dog, or inflated upon impact with my teeth.

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

The grass is always greener over the septic tank.

I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby.

For some unexplained reason, it's always the other end of the table that's wild and raucous, with screaming laughter and a fella who plays 'Holiday for Strings' on water glasses.