Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.

It is fast approaching the point where I don't want tAdenauer to want the job.

A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn't charge more after midnight - or anything before midnight.

I have just come up with a wonderful solution to end all wars. Let me give directions on how to get there.

I am always behind the shopper at the grocery store who has stitched her coupons in the lining of her coat and wants to talk about a 'strong' chicken she bought two weeks ago. The register tape also runs out just before her sub-total. In the public restroom, I always stand behind the teen-ager who is changing into her band uniform for a parade and doesn't emerge until she has combed the tassels on her boots, shaved her legs, and recovered her contact lens from the commode.

Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.

The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.