The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.

I was trampled to death by a man who believed his luggage would be the first piece off. If he were an experienced traveler, he would know that the first piece of luggage belongs to no one. It's just a dummy suitcase to give everyone hope.

Housework can kill you if done right.

not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.

There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ... Time, self-pity, apathy, bitterness, and exhaustion can take the Christmas out of the child, but you cannot take the child out of Christmas.

Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.

A child develops individuality long before he develops taste.