A child develops individuality long before he develops taste.

If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney.

I'm on a diet as my skin doesn't fit me anymore.

Phrases and their actual meanings: My teacher has never liked me. Expect a phone call before lunch from the teacher informing you that your child has been launching hot dogs by compressing them inside a small Thermos and then removing the lid quickly.

Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you.

I have always felt that too much time was given before the birth, which is spent learning things like how to breathe in and out with your husband (I had my baby when they gave you a shot in the hip and you didn't wake up until the kid was ready to start school), and not enough time given to how to mother after the baby is born.

Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood.