A child develops individuality long before he develops taste.

He opened the jar of pickles when no one else could. He was the only one in the house who wasn't afraid to go into the basement by himself. He cut himself shaving, but no one kissed it or got excited about it. It was understood when it rained, he got the car and brought it around to the door. When anyone was sick, he went out to get the prescription filled. He took lots of pictures... but he was never in them.

I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained, or the sofa faded.

You show me a boy who brings a snake home to his mother and I'll show you an orphan.

Shopping is a woman thing. It's a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.

With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.