A child develops individuality long before he develops taste.

I'm on a diet as my skin doesn't fit me anymore.

One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -- and he's a priest.

There is nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. ... Time, self-pity, apathy, bitterness, and exhaustion can take the Christmas out of the child, but you cannot take the child out of Christmas.

The mole rat is the only rodent born without a fur coat. With a good lawyer, someone would pay for that little oversight.

The age of your children is a key factor in how quickly you are served in a restaurant. We once had a waiter in Canada who said, "Could I get you your check?" and we answered, "How about the menu first?"