not all bears have their own television series. Some of them are unemployed wild animals.

My son would walk to the refrigerator-freezer and fling both doors open and stand there until the hairs in his nose iced up. After surveying $200 worth of food in varying shapes and forms, he would declare loudly, 'There's nothing to eat!'

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.

For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.

Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.