If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

Cats invented self-esteem; there is not an insecure bone in their body.

It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have...One pair that see through closed doors. Another in the back of her head...and, of course, the ones in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and reflect 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word.

Parenting is a negative thing. Keep your children from killing themselves, or anyone else, and hope for the best.

The art of never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective and to gain the respect she needs to function, a mother must have her children believe she has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother a moment's anxiety, and was never a child.

If God had meant us to walk around naked, he would never have invented the wicker chair.