I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.

Every puppy should have a boy.

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.

I learned the importance of a man's chair early in life. I learned that he may love several wives, embrace several cars, be true to more than one political philosophy, and be equally committed to several careers, but he will have only one comfortable chair in his life. I learned it will be an ugly chair. It will match nothing in the entire house. It will never wear out.

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

I got so much food spit back in my face when my kids were small, I put windshield wipers on my glasses.

There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.