I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.

Every puppy should have a boy.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

I have finally mastered what to do with the second tennis ball. Having small hands, I was becoming terribly self-conscious about keeping it in a can in the car while I served the first one. I noted some women tucked the second ball just inside the elastic leg of their tennis panties. I tried, but found the space already occupied by a leg. Now, I simply drop the second ball down my cleavage, giving me a chest that often stuns my opponent throughout an entire set.

Do you know what you call those who use towels and never wash them, eat meals and never do the dishes, sit in rooms they never clean, and are entertained till they drop? If you have just answered, 'A house guest,' you're wrong because I have just described my kids.

With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.

No One Diets on Thanksgiving.