I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

Most mothers entering the labor market outside the home are naive. They stagger home each evening, holding mail in their teeth, the cleaning over their arm, a lamb chop defrosting under each armpit, balancing two gallons of frozen milk between their knees, and expect one of the kids to get the door.

Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.

A child develops individuality long before he develops taste.

Any mother with half a skull knows that when Daddy's little boy becomes Mommy's little boy, the kid is so wet he's treading water.

the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.