Never have more children than you have car windows.

Not everyone is comfortable with the kissing ritual. My husband is one of them. Her refuses to press lips with anyone except his wife, mother, and dog. If someone wanted to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, he would refuse until he had been formally introduced.

Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.

One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.

I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.

I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.