Never have more children than you have car windows.

The more I think about it, the more there is to be said for the sloth. He sleeps fifteen to eighteen hours a day and is known to have taken forty-eight days to travel four miles. He hangs in the trees after he's dead. But he lives longer than the cheetah.

For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.

She's as funny as a toothache

Men who have a thirty-six-tele vised-football- games-a- week-habit should be declared legally dead and their estates probated.

Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.

Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.