Never have more children than you have car windows.

With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.

It is my theory you can't get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.

With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.

the ultimate in longevity is the Christmas fruitcake. It is a cake made during the holidays with fruits that make it heavier than the stove it is cooked in.

When you're lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.

I have finally mastered what to do with the second tennis ball. Having small hands, I was becoming terribly self-conscious about keeping it in a can in the car while I served the first one. I noted some women tucked the second ball just inside the elastic leg of their tennis panties. I tried, but found the space already occupied by a leg. Now, I simply drop the second ball down my cleavage, giving me a chest that often stuns my opponent throughout an entire set.